Brain Teasing Day

Teasers

What is as big as you are and weighs nothing?

A cowboy rode into town on a Friday and left three days later on Friday. How did he do this?

Two Fathers and two sons go fishing and each catch a fish but came home with just three fishes. Why?

What does the letter 't' and 'island' have in common?

A certain five letter word become shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word?

How long is the answer to this question.

Before Mt. Everest was discovered which was the highest mountain in the world.

How much dirt is there in a hole that measures 2feet by 3feet by 5 feet?

If you were running a race and you passed the person in second place what place are you in now?

A farmer has five haystacks in one field and four haystacks in another. How many haystacks would he have if he combined them in one field?


Answers (arrangement of answers is from 10-1)

1

2nd

There is no dirt in a hole.

Mt Everest although it was not yet discovered.

Long

Short

They are both in the middle of 'water'

They comprise of 1grandfather, 1father and 1son = 2fathers and 2sons.

His horses' name is Friday

Your Shadow.

The state of my country...

So I was on my own and I saw this picture and I couldn't help but capture it. For those people that may be saying huhn!!! what is this? Its a picture of 4 Nigerian men eating from a dustbin on the roadside in FCT!!! they didn't know I took this picture because I zoomed in on them but the sight speaks poorly of Nigeria...and believe me within five minutes, 3 more guys joined in the roadside feast from a dustbin...its really heart wrenching.

just a bunch of funny pics

 

 

Please have fun as you laugh out very loud....lovl...

How Maggie & Berta met

Maggie was on the happiest person to have a friend like Berta who wont judge her, who wont make her feel ugly, who is always there for her and always agreed no one looked finer than the other anytime they dressed up to go out. Today Maggie was reminiscing on her first day in her university and cringed at how heartless people can be.

‘Daddy, please can you kindly allow the driver to take me to the park?’ Maggie asked her dad

‘Erm, call him in for me.’

Her dad instructed him to drop her in 20 minutes time. The 20 minutes was used to pray, advice, give special warning against boys and pregnancy and finally her dad hid her pocket money in a section of her travelling bag. A section that was not possible for a swift robber to reach. He/she must have to take his time and search for it. The driver came back in 20minutes like he was asked to and of course, 20minutes is never enough for a doting father to pray, advice and do all of that so, the driver was present during some of the loving goodbyes that went on between father and daughter.

At the park some minutes later, the driver was complaining that he had to hurry back to the office.

‘Ok hold on let me rush into a restaurant and take something before my trip.’ Maggie said

She ate, retrieved her bag from the car, bought her ticket and boarded her bus.

Two weeks earlier, a room in the students’ lodge was booked for her by her dad and all she had to do was pay part of the money her dad had hidden in her bag for the room.

‘Hi, I made a reservation for room 23a.’ A tired Maggie was asking the receptionist after her 6-hour trip.

‘Yes there is a reservation for Miss Margaret. May I see your I.D. pls?’ The receptionist asked

‘Ok. Your money please.’ She asked again after the receptionist had looked through her ID card.

Margaret placed her travelling bag on the counter and proceeded to searching for the money where her dad had put it. She was confused because she was sure her dad had placed it in one strategic point and here she was searching. After 15minutes of frantically searching, she realized that she had been doomed. She had no account, knew no one in the university, the last cash on her was just change from her transport fare and to top it all off, she was hungry.

She kept wondering when she was outsmarted. It couldn’t have been during the journey because her feet was crossed on her box throughout the trip. And then, it struck her. How could someone be so evil, stupid and wicked? All at the same time? How? She couldn’t bear it again and that was how she started crying shamelessly in one corner of the entrance lodge.

‘Hello..’

‘Hello…’ the girl repeated shaking her shoulder. ‘What’s wrong, why are you crying?’

Maggie was too devastated to reply so she just kept on crying.

‘Ok come up to my room. Let them not see you crying in here pls.’

After crying some more in the kind lady’s room, Maggie could finally find her voice.

‘I am crying because my money was stolen.’

‘Where? How?’

Maggie told her story and the lady felt so bad for her she let her bunk in with her.

‘Whats your name?’ Maggie asked after she had calmed down.

‘Am Berta. Ok lets go and eat, don’t worry I will pay you can refund me later. ’

‘Hold on I need to make an important call.’

‘Dad, Hello.’

‘Yes sir, I reached safely. Dad pls kindly fire that driver. Fire him now pls.’ Maggie spoke into the phone.

As if she realised how deep in trouble she was relying on a stranger for food and accommodation, she began to cry again and Berta comforted her.

 

Holy Bible vs Textbook

          Berta, frankly, was a very good student. She loved to have fun though, as well as to study and pass. Her motto was, you couldn't go wrong if you did everything in life well. Besides, who was she kidding? Psychology was her dream course and she loved to understand behaviours. For example, her friend Maggie is an open book. Funloving, kind, sweet, gentle, has low self esteem so she thinks she is ugly which is extremely wrong, infact Berta thinks she could have a career in modelling. To Berta, Maggie's bad sides are that she can be extremely stubborn, too loyal (for example, she is still with her very annoying boyfriend), stingy and so many other qualities I really don't want to bore my dear readers with.

           Anyways, Berta is a good accessor of people's qualities, limits and aura. And so she cant be wrong in thinking that to get this particular much needed textbook, she would need to preach. Confused? lol. Just hold on.   

Berta's book buddies were the aspiring first class students in her class and this particular one, Jeffery was just a thorn on her side. He wasn't bending to her female whims. He was stiff. Not even a sweet 'how was your night?' from her would make him smile back at her. She had to use other means to get that textbook from him and she wasn't liking that fact.

Unfortunately, Jeffery was the only person who had the textbook for now and she must get her hands on it for at least 5 days in preparation for her exams.

 

'Jeffery, hello.' Berta had to raise her voice and walk quickly to his side.

 

'Hi.' He replied, not even turning his head or attempting to slow down.

 

'Please I need to ask you for something.'

 

'Of course, you always need something from me but its hardly the other way round.' he replied.

 

'Jeff, don't be like that, I know you must mean your invites for sunday service but I have told you that I cant leave my church.'

 

'Even for a sunday? why is that?' Jeffery asked

 

'Frankly its because I am an active church worker.' Berta replied, lying.

 

'Oh I see. Ok then. What do you want?'

 

Once the textbook was mentioned, Jeffery winced and claimed he was using it profusely for that week and that she should come for it next week Thursday.

Thursday quickly approached and Berta just couldn't wait to get her hands on the book.

 

'Come see me by 4pm.' Jeffery simply replied when Berta met him.

 

'Whyever is he so hard?' Berta asked no one in particular.

By 4pm, Berta went back to class to see him and he was surrounded by at least 15 other people, obviously members from his church for they were all holding Bibles and praying. Jeffery made eye contact with her and wove for her to come closer. He gave her his Bible and brought out another one from his bag.

'He had obviously planned this out.' She thought to herself.

 

'Let us welcome our dear visitor on this very special day of evangelism.' The leader of the prayer group said after they had finished praying.

They all stood up clapping and smiling at her then they beckoned on her to introduce herself. As she got up she couldn't help thinking that she must make an 'A' in that course for all the trouble she is going through just to get one textbook.

Bible verses were shared and pondered on and then they were grouped into ten to match the ten hostels. One group was to go into each hostel, EVANGELISING.

 

'Jeff, please I need to meet up with someone in 10minutes. May I simply get the book and go?'

 

'What do you mean? Don't you want the textbook? don't worry, whoever it is you need to meet with is not running away.'

 

'This is an academic blackmail Jeff, you didn't tell me I will be evangelising to get the textbook!!! This is not fair or right.'

 

'Do you want the textbook? or not?'

 

'Of course, you know I do.'

 

'Then stop whining' He replied her with a grin.

 

It was so embarrassing for Berta that she planned to avoid entering rooms she may know someone in and to shield herself from being seen by hiding behind the others. This is someone that party's and dresses skimpily, going for evangelism.

Maggie will surely die of laughter if she hears this one.

 

The purpose of atm is not limited to money

          Packing her bags on a Friday evening, Maggie decided to visit Jide. #kindly visit my previous post too know how she came about this decision# At least she was smart enough to take this trip after her exams. Berta had done her part as a friend in wishing her goodluck, giving her her six year old condoms even though she begged her friend not to have a need for it and had told her to put up her number on the travel manuscript.

 

'Am on my way, Jide.' Maggie spoke into the phone.

 

'On your way to?' Jide asked.

 

'To see you of course. We talked about this yesterday didn't we?'

 

'Babe, i was only kidding. Cant wait to kiss you.' He replied with a laugh.

 

'Kiss who? i thought i made it clear that you wouldn't be kissing me. Not in this visit at least.'

 

'Loosen up girl!!! i wont kiss you ok? At least a hug?'

 

'See you soon anyways.' Maggie said, ignoring his tease with a bit of disgust in her voice.

 

             After boarding a bus, she got a seat beside a man who wouldn't let her be.

She thought to herself,

 

'I know i am man-hunting but there are limits. Why is this old married poor man disturbing me?'

 

After a horrid hot six-hour trip, thanks to the man and the weather, Maggie waited at a restaurant near the park for Jide to come pick her.

She always travelled lightly and had 'vex money on her'.

She kept staring at shiny oncoming cars that seem to be slowing down towards the park, hoping to see him. But none seemed to stop. They all moved along.

            Finally an old rickety 1997 Honda stopped by the park and Jide stepped out. Maggie was out of view so she was watching with interest as Jide picked up his phone obviously to call her. What struck Maggie was that he came with four of his friends. She didn't like that at all. Another factor that struck her was he was not even calling her. She kept looking at him until he caught her gaze by chance, laughed and still on the phone, entered the restaurant, then sat opposite her, smiling.

After three minutes, he finally ended the call and explained that it was his mother.

 

'Yeah, right!' Maggie thought to herself. 'If you call your mother my darling and as a grown man, lie to your mum about where you are, then yes, it was your mother. At least, he couldn't lie that it was a man he was on the phone with.'

 

Either way, she didn't care and wasn't liking her decision to come anymore. Jide was cute but something was telling her to run back to school.

 

'Shall we?' Jide asked.

 

    On their way to Jide's house, the boys spoke in Yoruba. Maggie is an Igbo girl but she understood Yoruba well having lived in the western region for some years. They didn't know that and so they spoke freely.

 

'This your babe make sense o'

 

'Hope you didn't tell madam about her, she go just kill you.'....'hmmm, i was right after all.'

Maggie smiled to herself.

 

'Omo Jide, how tonight go be na?'

 

'We go join you oh. how only you go chop this one alone? na tradition sha. i no know why i dey ask.'

 

'Guys no worry. once am done, una go follow.'

 

'Hope those drugs still remain?'...and the discussion went on and on.

 

           Maggie couldn't even believe her ears. She plastered a smile on her face and told Jide to please drop her by a bank so she could use their atm. Jide offered to escort her but she insisted she went in alone. Right now, she preferred her seatmate from the bus to this. Her limits were increasing afterall.

 

'Do you want to see my atm password?' she asked jokingly, but inside, she was dying.

 

'Ok fine we are waiting for you.' Jide said.

 

"Stupid boys, fools, animals, its me you want to rape abi?, you will wait till Jesus comes. It is really we r waiting for you, not I am waiting for you."  She wished she could say those words out to them.

 

Once she was out of sight from the boys, Maggie made her move.

 

'Sir please is there a back gate?' Maggie asked the security man at the bank, 'my trip home will be shorter from there.'

 

The security man directed her to the back gate and Maggie immediately took a cab to any affordable hotel where she spent the night then returned back to school the next morning and ran tearfully to Berta's room who waited for her with open inviting friendly non-raping arms.

Man-Hunting

Berta and Maggie as usual, were together in Maggie’s room staring at the computer screen. Wondering what they should do?

Earlier on, Berta had walked in on Maggie who was furiously working on her laptop. At least, Berta thought she was until she saw the computer screen filled with pictures of hot men and blue colours. Maggie was on facebook, she was at it again.

Everybody on campus, including Maggie knows her boyfriend is cheating on her, seeing that he is a cult member and he has a reputation to uphold as a player. So every once in a while, Maggie goes man-hunting on facebook.

Max

‘Babe, what about this guy? He looks really cool o. Very cute, see his smile abeg u.’ Berta urged.

‘Hmmm, see name ma sef. Maxwell Gregory. You sure say this one no they chop salad for breakfast?’ Maggie replied. ‘See his fine fine sisters ma sef, ehen!! na this kind clique I wan join. No be you. Dry girl.’ 

 She turned to face her friend teasing her. Berta made an aimless move to hit her friend in response.

“Hello Max, my name is Maggie. I kinda stumbled upon your profile and felt I should say hi. Ciao” Maggie typed.

‘Ehen, very good. Keep it flirty and light. Not too pushy nor forceful. You are really good at this o.’ Berta complimented her friend.

‘I have had lots of practice, and you don’t want to know the things that go on on facebook.’ Maggie replied, laughing.

After waiting for some minutes without a response from their first victim, they decided to move on to someone else.

 Frank

‘Please help me see this guy’s ride. Wow!! Do you see his house too? And he is very cute to boot. This one is too good to be true o.’ Maggie was at it again. ‘Frank  Mccloy. Why Nigerians too they change change name for facebook. In reality his name fit be Ukamaka Nwaofinwuluruowuru.’

Both girls burst into laughter as they realize they had also put up strange sexier names on facebook.

‘Buzz him jor. Are you not the one trying to wash off ugliness from your lineage? However horrible his name may be, you wouldn’t mind bearing it as long as your kids are lovely.’ Berta said, removing all doubts from Maggie’s mind.

“hello handsome. You were suggested as a friend to me by facebook and I just felt we should chat a bit before we get to be friends.”

 Both girls didn’t have to wait too long before there was a response.

“hi Damusel, friends what I live for.”

“Oh that’s great, how come you don’t have as many pictures up?”

“My dear, it becas I busy” Frank replied

‘omo babe, see as this guy they gbagaun everywhere. Are you sure the few pictures he even put up are truly his? Ask am na.’ Berta told her friend.

‘Trust me now.’

“Sorry love, the pics you put up, are they truly yours?”

Once that question was asked, Frank stopped responding and the ladies need not be told that the pics weren't his.

Jide

‘Berta on a serious note though, there is this guy I have been chatting with on and off for three months now and he is cute but he is Yoruba and he lives in ikorodu, Lagos. He claims he is rich, single and perfect for me, but I have my doubts.’

‘What are they?’ Berta asked.

‘Well, my doubts are instinctive. I can’t place my finger on it. We chat well, he types well enough, he even calls me once in a while.’ Maggie replied

‘Oh!! So you have already given him your number. This my friend sef. All I know is that I know you, and you would want to at least meet him once just so you satisfy your curiousity and not regret later on.’

“Hello Jide.  Am thinking about us meeting so we could put a face to the voice.” Maggie texted.

“Yes darling, been thinking about it too. Is this weekend too soon?”

‘And he replies so fast.hmm that’s nice. He looks cool o. Before you even ask me to be your chaperone, I have an exam on Monday, and so you are alone on this one.’ Berta said, backing out from the possible weekend trip.

‘Berta, should I go alone? Its too risky. I can’t go without you, my partner in crime, besides am done with my exams and this is the only free time I believe I have.’

Both girls end up staring at the screen. Contemplating.

                                                                                         ………………………………….To be continued.

For the sake of a very special someone that requested I try out a funny post, I will end this one here but will head right back to being the sad, cynical but funny me.

Not all 'Uncles' are 'Uncles'!!!!

Berta's very first experience with anything that had to do with the human penis was with her own uncle. He is usually a guest in her family house and Berta was the errand runner. At just seven years old, her energy was fresh and she was bustling, hopping and jumping everywhere. She was just very eager to do anything around the house.

 

'B..., go and buy me matches.'

'B..., are you there? Pls love, help me buy tomatoes.'

'B..., your father wants you to wash his socks.' Her mother usually calls out to her.

She didn't mind those errands but her favourite was,

'B..., pls take this tray of food to your uncle.'

 

It was her favourite errand because her uncle always had tricks to show to her, sweets and stories to tell. She just plain loved his company and which child wouldn't when he was the bestest uncle in the world.

 

Berta had two elder sisters of course, little demons from hell. They were teenagers anyway, who could blame them. The only errands they ran are things concerning their looks, wardrobe and pockets and their mother was just tired of complaining and chasing after them so she was stuck with Berta. One special thing her sisters loved to do as well is to tease the life out of her, and Berta secretly enjoyed it because those are the only moments she gets to bond with them.

On this very special day, Berta was asked to go serve her uncle and gleefully, she jumped up to do as asked.

 

'Uncle, your food.' she shouted

 

'Yes dear, come in.' her uncle replied.

 

She noticed her uncle looked a bit funny. His eyes were bloodshot and he was breathing a bit faster but she was too little to be wary about things like that all she wanted was her daily dose of sweets and jokes. He asked her to come close to him after she had dropped the tray and then he began fumbling with her skirts. Berta didn't understand what was going on but after some minutes of fumbling with her dress, he let go and then looked thoughtfully at her for some minutes. To break the silence, she said,

 

'Mummy said you should please manage the food that we didn't add plantain today cause plantain season is not yet here' Berta said.

 

'No problem my dear.' Her uncle replied

 

'Guess what I have for you today?' He continued

 

'What?' Berta asked, looking joyfully at him.

 

'A special kind of sweet that you would love. Remember how I give you sweets from my pockets? this sweet will come from a different kind of pocket beneath my trousers.'

 

'What kind of pocket?'

 

'Just you wait and see. There is a catch though, you would have to suck for a while and hard enough for the sweet taste to finally come.'

 

'Ok uncle.'

 

Berta's uncle then proceeded to pulling his trousers and boxers and then he held the ugliest 'sweet' Berta has ever seen.

 

'Uncle is that the sweet?'

 

'Yes dear.' He replied.

 

Just as she was about to start sucking, her two sisters barged in...

 

'Jesus Christ of Nazareth'

 

'Bloody hell!!!' they both shouted in unison.

 

'Uncle what are you doing?' The eldest sister asked.

 

          Shaking her head to clear her thoughts and her reminiscing frame of mind, she gently replied to her friend Maxwell who offered her eclairs.

 

'Thank you Max, I know its just sweet but I lost my sweet tooth when I was seven.'

 

Now, at 22, Berta is still so scared of accepting any kind of sweets from any man. She could accept it though, if the man gave the sweets to a lady to forward it to her, and as for her uncle, he died some years later from AIDS.

Did they say at one seminar she attended that AIDS can be contracted through contacts with fluids? Did that mean, if her sisters had not come in at the time they did, her uncle would have.....?

Well, after the incident, before he died, her parents started calling him family friend instead of uncle.

Its not all uncles that are related after all. 

 

Ladies, when was your first ever 'sweet' experience? 

 

Nigerian Soldiers...

                                                      

                                                           Berta's Party

           On this very lonely Saturday in school, Berta was lying on her bed wondering why she was having such a boring day? how can? when she was the life of the campus. That's how this young lady went to see a fellow promiscuous friend of hers.

'Babe, what's happening? what are we doing now? today no be Friday?'
'My dear, today na Friday o, wetin you want make man do na? please warm that chair with your buttocks.' her friend, Margaret replied.

           After some minutes of saying nothing to each other and just staring into space, Margaret picked up her phone.
'Sweetheart how far na? what's happening today? its Friday o!' she spoke into the phone.
'Pls when are you coming to pick us?'
'I hope it will be fun o, let it not be as disappointing as the last time please, Berta is here o.'
Finally, she said ok and hung up the phone.
Facing me, she said
'Today wont be useless after all.'

Apparently Margaret had just spoken to her boyfriend who had agreed to take them to a party that night. They were so happy they began to play dress up from that time which was just 6pm for a party that would begin by 11pm.
           Finally after various scenes of playing dress-up and practicing the various moves they would scatter the dance floor with, they settled down and waited for Margaret's boyfriend's call (pardon the plenty "'s").
Berta chose to wear all white, white halter top and white shorts and Maggie wore a skin tight short gown that threatened to tear if she so much as bent. On their way to the venue, Maggie's bf told them it was a cultist party and he was not going to drop them at the venue immediately but will drop them at a bar where everybody to attend the party will convene before they will be secretly transported to the venue with buses. It was fine by the girls especially Bert who was itching for an action, any kind of action.
Other party lovers trooped in slowly, Berta noticed they were all girls and was a bit worried so she alerted Maggie.

'Don't mind the boys' replied Maggie. 'They are already at the venue carrying out their initiation rites, abi you want to be initiated?' Berta immediately calmed down.

           While hanging out at the club, most girls couldn't wait for the main party and thus had it there by getting drunk and acting very silly, one particular girl kept talking profanely about how she cant wait to do her boyfriend. 
Finally the buses to convey them arrived at a quarter to midnight, and they  were on their way to the secret venue.
           Unfortunately for them, some soldiers in a Hilux, at least 17 armed Nigerian soldiers were in the Hilux and they were coming towards the buses and the next thing Berta heard was a very drunk girl shouting 'Hi, boys...' to the soldiers. It turned crazy as the soldiers decided to halt the bus and find out who had  hi..ed them.
Nobody agreed to speak up and so the soldiers asked for their ID cards. who carries their ID cards to a school party please? Nobody. None of us had ours on us and the soldiers decided to flog all of us.
          They asked us to get down from the bus and line up and nobody wanted to be at the front of the line except Berta...she thought to herself,

'I deserve to be flogged for not just going to bed when i was bored. Sleep has got to be better than being flogged by soldiers by 12am in the morning.'

           As she boldly stepped forward, she noticed the soldiers were angry and had skipped her to go flog the others behind her. She immediately used the opportunity to tell their bus driver to call the drivers of the other buses to hold their horses before they too would be flogged.
After flogging everybody, the soldiers asked them to roll in the mud. It was so hilarious that Berta had chosen to wear white on that day, of all days. Then they asked them to do their signature punishment. You can guess what it was.
Yes...frogjump...lol...it was crazy...Berta was so angry she almost bursted into laughter.
The driver of the hilux, a soldier as well, noticed a movement in the bus and decided to check it out and guess who was hiding out in the bus?
The drunk girl who couldn't wait to do her boyfriend, same person that said 'hi...boys' to the soldiers and put them in that dilemma was the very same person hiding out under the seat in the bus.
You do not want to know how she was specially treated. maybe I should dedicate another post and title it,
        
       'The soldier's treatment to the very foolish drunk sex starved girl.'

Well, by the time they were done with us, it was 1am and nobody was in the mood for a party again, all the girls were crying and one of the soldiers took a girl into the bush and.........(no one knows what occurred there cause the girl refused to talk about it)...it was just as well.
            We finally got to the party and it was not a party anymore cause the boys were very angry, asking if we recognised the soldiers (lol, its not like they could do anything), the girls couldn't stop crying and it turned to a love fest cause you know what happens when a guy is consoling a crying distressed damsel. Berta was single so she ended up watching everyone else including Maggie and her bf.
Anyway, Berta got what she wanted.
                                              A PARTY!!!